


Whatever Lola Wants, Lola Gets

by HawkyBarton



Series: OTP and Fanfic Brigade (Prompts galore) [53]
Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV), Hawkeye (Comics), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: M/M, clint laughs his butt off, nat is sneaky, prompt, the whole team think phil is a cheater
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-05
Updated: 2015-09-05
Packaged: 2018-04-19 02:53:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 977
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4730066
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HawkyBarton/pseuds/HawkyBarton
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The team thinks that Phil is cheating on Clint</p>
            </blockquote>





	Whatever Lola Wants, Lola Gets

**Author's Note:**

> Anon asked: Can you write a clint coulson story where the team thinks Phil is cheating on clint. Cause they always hear him talking about lola and sometimes he like cums in her. So its like completly misunderstood. Ohhh and if they hold an intervention with Clint to let him down easy that Phils a cheater

Tony slammed his hands onto the table, “I’m sure you’re all wondering why I brought you here today”

Steve sighed and looked at Tony, “Tony. You do this all the time.”

“For no fucking reason,” Natasha added helpfully.

“We’ve started to not wonder about the reason any longer” Bruce threw in.

Tony gasped and placed a hand on his chest, “ I am _appalled_ that you would all think that of me!”

Thor huffed, “You are wasting time I could be spending with Jane, Stark. Get on with it, or let us all go”

Tony huffed, “ _Fine._ You miscreants. Am I the only one who has noticed that Phil has been hella cheating on Clint?”

The faces that had been full of bemusement or boredom seconds ago were now completely serious.

“I _had_ noticed that,” Steve said after a minute of silence. “It disappointed and embarrassed me when I heard him talking on the phone about it”

Thor nodded, “I too have heard him talk about this affair, with a woman named Lola. He speaks of her fondly, and of his many... trysts with her”

Tony shuddered, “Ugh. This is so gross and disgusting”

Natasha growled and stood up, “Years ago I heard Phil talk about someone named Lola. I thought they had broken up when he and Clint finally got together.... I.... I think I’m going to have to kill Coulson”

Tony’s eyes widened. “Are you saying he’s been cheating on Clint for _years??_ Oh hell yeah, let’s kick Phil Coulson’s ass!”

Thor and Steve both stood up and nodded their heads in affirmative.

Bruce, always one to play the devil’s advocate, sighed and stood up as well. “Wait a minute guys. Before we get all gun ho and go beat up Coulson, maybe we should talk to Clint first. If Phil has been cheating on him, Clint has probably at least picked up on some cues. Shouldn’t _he_ be the one to get first crack at Coulson?”

Tony looked at Bruce, “Shit you’re right. We should tell Clint, IT’S INTERVENTION TIME”

 

*******

Three days later, Clint came back from his top secret mission

After kissing Phil goodbye, Clint realized he hadn’t had waffles in a month and the craving was large.

Whistling, Clint made his way to the kitchen, when he came face-to-face with the whole team. Their faces were a study in seriousness.

Clint smiled and headed for the cupboards, “Hey guys! Why the long faces, did somebody die while I was away?”

Clint wasn’t answered as he grabbed the ingredients for waffles. But when he turned around, Steve was standing up and staring at him.

“What’s going on?”

Steve looked at Clint, “Why don’t you come sit down?”

Clint frowned and walked over to the table to sit, “What’s wrong? You guys aren’t kicking me off the team, right?”

Steve shook his head, “You’re invaluable to the team. This is an intervention Clint...”

Clint blinked, “Okay... I mean, I know I watch Dog Cops a lot... But an intervention is-”

“This isn’t about Dog Cops. This is about Phil” Steve said darkly.

Clint’s frown deepened, “Phil? What about him?”

Steve looked at Natasha, who just nodded and traded places with him. Placing a gentle hand on Clint’s shoulder, Natasha smiled. “We have reason to believe that Phil is cheating on you”

Clint jerked back from her hand, knocking his chair over as he stood up. “What?! No way!!”

Natasha winced, “I’m sorry Clint. But we all have evidence that Phil is seeing a woman behind your back”

Clint’s heart felt broken, “No way in hell. No _my_ Phil!!”

Tony nodded and walked over to Clint, “Yes way. I’m sorry to tell you this, but Phil is definitely cheating on you. He’s been doing it for years. With some chick named Lola. He’s been doing some really nasty shit with her and bragging about it on the phone to- why are you laughing?”

Clint was bent over double, laughing his ass off.  Bruce looked at the others, “My god he’s hysterical...”

Natasha placed a hand on Clint’s back, “Clint? Are you okay?”

Clint just nodded and stood up, wiping the tears from his eyes. “Oh god that was beautiful. I can’t wait to tell Phil about this, he’s gonna be so embarrassed,...”

Thor frowned, “Shouldn’t he be ashamed? He has played with your affections...”

Clint shook his head, “No. Oh god, no. You guys...oh god this is just too funny. Lola isn’t a woman... Lola is his _car”_

Tony blinked, “Excuse me?”

Clint just shook his head and pulled out his phone. The lock screen was a picture of Clint and Phil kissing on what looked like a mint condition old convertible. “The car is Lola.”

Everyone just blinked before Tony finally spoke. “Okay his masturbating in his car is even worse now that I think about it...”

Clint chuck;led and put his phone away, “It’s pretty hot to me. I especially like when he gets all hot after we’ve cleaned her off and throws me down on her leather seats and-”

“EW! EW! EW! TMI BARTON! TMI!!” Tony said at a squeal as he walked out of the kitchen.

Steve, embarrassed, apologized quickly and walked away.

Thor just patted Clint on the shoulder and left. As Thor left Bruce just shrugged, “I’m just glad I was able to talk them out of beating Phil up”

Clint just winked and watched the scientist leave before looking at Natasha. “Did you wind Tony up Tash? Because I know you know about lola...”

Natasha just smirked and sauntered out of the room.

“If I wasn’t gay Tasha.. If I wasn‘t gay”

Nat just laughed and said over her shoulder, “I feel the same way about your butt too Barton”

Laughing, Clint pulled out his phone and called Phil. “Babe you will _not_ believe what just happened...”

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: Title taken from the song "Whatever Lola Wants" from 'Damn Yankees'
> 
> (( You can prompt me if you wish for other fics, or for any ideas you may have about this fic at [ Hellogoodbye](http://hellogoodbye741.tumblr.com/ask) ))


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